


the worthwhile fight

by lco123



Series: I Can't Lose You Too: The Adventures of Hanna and Spencer Falling in Love [2]
Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-14 08:57:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8006959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lco123/pseuds/lco123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“Hi!” Emily greets warmly.</i>
</p><p> <i>“I think I’m in love with Hanna,” Spencer replies.<i></i></i></p>
            </blockquote>





	the worthwhile fight

**Author's Note:**

> This is a continuation of "my highs hit a new low," but I'm posting it separately because it's kind of a different vibe and feels like its own piece to me. I may continue the Adventures of Spencer and Hanna in Love at some point because I just adore them together.
> 
> Takes place sometime post mid-7A, I'd say. After the Spaleb breakup but before Haleb reunited. And Hanna moved back to New York instead of staying in Rosewood.

Four months after returning to D.C., Spencer calls Emily. She hasn’t been able to get Hanna out of her mind, and it feels like the logical thing to do.

“Hi!” Emily greets warmly.

“I think I’m in love with Hanna,” Spencer replies.

She can almost hear Emily raise her eyebrows. “Okay,” she says in a measured tone. “Are you okay?”

“You don’t sound surprised.”

“I mean, I’m not _not_ surprised,” Emily tells her. “But, you could say I had a feeling. Call it a gay intuition.”

Spencer frowns. “I don’t think I’m gay.”

“Then a queer intuition.”

“No, it’s not just that,” Spencer insists, “You’re not the Grunwald.” She gets up off her small couch, starts pacing back and forth. She’s way too agitated to sit right now.

“Okay," Emily sighs, like Spencer’s prying the truth out of her. “I just—the way you were behaving around her, before we all left…it just seemed…I don’t know. Not like the way we normally behave around each other.”

“More like the way you behave around Ali?” Spencer shoots back. It may be a low blow, considering she doesn’t know exactly where Emily and Alison stand right now, but she knows Em will get what she means.

“Maybe,” Emily says softly.

“What do I do, Em?”

“Talk to Hanna,” Emily instructs.

Spencer drags a hand through her hair, feeling tension start to mount between her shoulder blades. Or, more tension. “I can’t do that.”

“You can.”

“She doesn’t feel the same way. She’s still hung up on Caleb.” It’s like a mantra Spencer’s been repeating: do not allow yourself to even think of hoping. All that leads to is eternal misery and despair.

“I don’t think so.” Emily has an odd note to her voice, like she knows a secret.

“I sort of assumed they got back together,” Spencer tells her. If they did, Emily would know. But Spencer hasn’t let herself find out one way or the other. Up until now.

“They didn’t. Do you know why?”

“Probably a million little reasons.”

“Maybe,” Emily says, noncommittal. “Or maybe one big reason.”

Spencer stops pacing, her legs suddenly feeling stiff and immobile. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means you should call Hanna. Ask her why.”

“Emily!” Spencer exclaims, frustrated by the crypticness.

“Good luck, Spence.” With that, Emily hangs up, leaving Spencer more confused than ever.

\-----

Spencer waits another week before calling Hanna. When she finally does, it’s late, and she’s had half a glass of red wine for courage.

Hanna picks up on the third ring with a soft, “Hey.” It’s not entirely cheery.

“Hey,” Spencer replies.

“Long time, no see. Or talk.” She thinks Hanna sounds a little hurt. Spencer pictures her curled up on her couch in a cozy sweater, the lights of the city twinkling eleven feet below. What was she doing before Spencer called? The fact that Spencer’s so curious is almost unnerving.

“Yeah, I’m sorry I’ve been so out of touch,” Spencer says sincerely.

“It’s okay,” Hanna replies, the trace of hurt evaporating. “I’ve been out of touch too. I’ve missed you though.” 

Spencer feels a little thrill go through her at that, and she mentally yells at herself to calm down. “You have?”

“Mmm hmm. So, what made you decide to call?” Hanna’s tone is more serious now, all business. “You haven’t gotten another A message, have you?”

“No, nothing like that.” The question raises a sudden alarm bell. “Wait, have you?”

“Nope.”

That helps Spencer to relax, just barely. “Okay, that’s good. Well, I wanted to see how you were doing.”

“I’m okay,” Hanna says unconvincingly.

“Just okay?” Spencer prompts.

“Are _you_ better than okay?” Hanna retorts.

That makes Spencer smile a little. “Not really,” she admits.

“Okay, so we’re the same, then.”

There’s a comfort to that statement, one that makes Spencer want to get to the chase. “Emily told me to call you.”

“Why’s that?”

“She thought I should ask you a question.” How ridiculous that must sound.

“Emily really influences your decision-making, huh?” Hanna asks, and Spencer can hear the smirk in her voice. The mental image makes her bite her lip.

“Sometimes I think she’s like the better version of me,” she says softly. It's a thought she's had often.

“You’re the perfect version of you, Spence,” Hanna replies immediately. Spencer blinks, a wave of longing crashing around inside her. “What’s the question?”

She’s come this far. There’s no sense in backing out now. “She, uh, she said I should ask why you and Caleb didn’t get back together.”

“Spence—” Hanna warns.

“Look, I’m not asking because—there is no part of me that wants to get back together with him, okay?” Spencer rushes to explain. “I just really need to know, Hanna. Nothing you say can change anything.”

“I wouldn’t count on that,” Hanna mutters. What can that mean, if not exactly what Spencer wants it to?

“Was it because of me? I got in the way?” Spencer tries.

“You didn’t get in the way,” Hanna assures her. “But I guess you were part of the reason.”

“Is it Caleb? Does he still have feelings for me, or something?” Even as she asks the question, Spencer knows that isn’t it. But coming out and asking what she longs to ask feels like far too much.

“No,” Hanna says quietly, “The problem wasn’t that Caleb has feelings for you.” She takes a heavy sigh, and the moment seems to last an eternity. Spencer concocts four different things Hanna could possibly say, but all of them pale in comparison to her next words: “The problem was that _I_ do.”

“What?” Spencer breathes. She feels like the wind’s been knocked out of her.

“There you have it,” Hanna murmurs, sounding entirely broken-down. “Told you it would change things.”

“You have feelings for me?” She can barely speak around the lump in her throat.

“Spence, the only reason I’m telling you is because I know how much you hate being lied to, and I didn’t want you to think I hated you. Because the truth is, well, it’s quite the opposite.” There’s a wryness, a world-weariness, to Hanna’s tone, as if she’s certain Spencer is going to hang up or laugh at her. As if she thinks this situation is incredibly fucked up, and she’s seconds away from bursting into tears.

“Hanna,” Spencer murmurs.

“But let’s just forget it, okay?” Hanna insists. “Water under the drawbridge, or whatever.”

“Hanna, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you,” Spencer finally gets out in a rush.

“You haven’t?” Hanna’s voice is nearly a gasp.

“No. Ever since I got back,” Spencer confesses. Tears are starting to fall as she says, “I’m just—I'm pretty sure I’m in love with you.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Spencer is halfway between sobbing and hysterical laughter. Hanna feels the same way. She actually feels the same way.

“Oh my god,” Hanna breathes, sounding equally shocked.

“I know,” Spencer replies with a laugh.

“I hate that we’re on the phone right now!” Hanna exclaims. Spencer giggles, in spite of herself. She agrees completely. She wishes she could reach right through the phone and pull Hanna out. 

“What would you do if you were here?” she asks insistently.

“Are you trying to initiate phone sex with me?” Hanna replies.

“No!” Spencer says in a scandalized tone, though even the suggestion makes her heart beat a little faster. “I want you here, is all.”

“I’d kiss you,” Hanna admits. “And I’d tell you that I love you too. Because I do, Spencer. So much it scares me.”

“Wow.” Spencer feels like she could faint on the spot. Like she could just keel over and die from swooning too hard.

“I’m coming to D.C. tomorrow,” Hanna announces, resolute.

“Don’t you have work?”

“I don’t care. I need to see you.” Spencer’s not going to argue with her on that one.

“I need to see you too. I’ll pick you up at the train station. You can stay for as long as you want.” Hanna will be here. In the flesh. And they won’t be awkward and weird around each other, because they _love_ one another. It’s like a dream come true.

“I can’t wait to see you. I’m going to go book my ticket right now.” Hanna sounds so young, so full of hope. Spencer can’t remember the last time she let herself feel that way, but she does right now.

“I can’t wait either. I love you.” Spencer wipes at her eyes, smiling hard enough that her face starts to hurt.

“I love you too. I’ll see you soon,” Hanna tells her.

Spencer hangs up the phone in wonder. It feels like everything is falling into place, like after years of bad turns and wrong choices, finally something is going right. 

She takes another sip of wine and gets ready for bed. Tonight she’ll dream of Hanna, but she knows that out there in another small apartment in another busy city, Hanna is dreaming of her too.


End file.
